Mr Gum has a particular soft spot for Greasy Ian's House of Slops, down by the old canal. Greasy Ian is a frightening Scottish man with horrible sores all over his face and brain. He has run the House of Slops for over fifteen years and in all that time he has never once washed his hands.

Because it's fun making kids laugh, and also I sometimes get some money from writing 'em.

The power to turn the volume of other people down. It would be really useful in restaurants, cafes and all sorts of other noisy, overcrowded situations.

p.s. No, she doesn't, she loves YOU!

Ah, interesting question. The narrator of the story is sort of a version of me. It's not all of me, just a part of me.

Yes, hard work, staying up late, too much sugar and having a slightly crazy mind.

No. Yes. Maybe.

Of course I'll marry you. In fact, if anyone else wants to marry me, please do get in touch, I'd love to hear from you. (You must be over 18 to marry me. Terms and conditions apply.) By the way, the dolphin did come out of Jakey, yes. But it didn't look much like a dolphin anymore.

I am an author, yes. Or did you mean am I an otter? I am definitely not an otter. My birthday is on 14th November, the same as Prince Charles (true). Mr Gum's birthday is on 32nd of October. I am 34 years old at the moment. I don't know how old Mr Gum is, but he's pretty old.

If you've got an idea for a story just start writing it. It doesn't have to be perfect, and in fact it certainly won't be. Perfect comes later. Just start. Keep going. Keep going some more. Keep going a bit more. Feels bad, doesn't it? Feels like what you're writing is useless, doesn't it? Keep going. Keep going. Feels like it's a load of old rubbish - ooh, hold on, that line was good. Hmm, if you go back and add a bit at the start, that will link up with the good bit you just wrote. Hmm. But don't go too crazy trying to change it all just yet. Keep going. A bit more. A bit more. One little bit more - and you're done! Type 'THE END'. Congratulations! Now you've done the most important part. You've written a whole story from start to finish. And now you can go back and change it to make it really really good.

I have never eaten ice cream with Pringles but I may have to try that now. I have the feeling it will either be delicious or absolutely revolting. I honestly don't know how Alan Taylor got his electric muscles, perhaps he got them by eating ice cream with Pringles.

I think this would make an excellent addition to Friday's songbook, Becky. In fact, I actually showed it to Friday and he was so excited that he sent me back a finished version of the song, which goes like this:

Did you ever know an iguana named Squeebles?
I did, I did, I did!
Whatever happened to Squeebles?
He got eaten by a squid.

Did you ever know a platypus named Poogler?
I didn't, I didn't, I didn't!
Whatever happened to Poogler?
He got eaten by a squidn't.

I like watching the snooker quite a lot. And I like watching Wimbledon and the World Cup. But I don't really play any sport myself, I am far too lazy.

I killed a man back there.

Good question, Phillip. I really don't know. I have had lots of jobs in my time but being an author is the best one by a million miles, the others were pretty boring and I had to get up early. (One of the best things about being an author is that you can get up pretty much anytime you like.)

Oink Balloon and Livermonk are my favourites. And I'll tell you a true secret, Sandy: my brother came up with the name for Livermonk.