The Eighteenth Emergency by Betsy Byars. Please stop reading this and go and buy it right now: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Eighteenth-Emergency-Betsy-Byars/dp/0099408678

Mr Gum and the Night of the Avocadoes (Available February 2060)

Between 4 and 6 months depending how lazy I'm being.

I steal them from other authors / my brother / small children.

It changes all the time. It used to be Billy William the Third. Then it was Friday for a while, then the Spirit of the Rainbow. At the moment it's Old Granny. But secretly, my best character of all is Polly I'm really proud of her.

My auntie used to have a big dog called Jake so I suppose you could say that some of my characters are based on real dogs. But apart from that, probably not.

I've written bits and pieces of nonsense all my life. My teachers sometimes used to tell me off because the stories I wrote in class were so silly. And now I do it for a living, ha!

THE TRUTH IS A LEMON MERINGUE!

No, but I'm working on it. Until recently I couldn't even say it forwards.

Because his brothers name is Monday O'Leary, of course.

Somewhere on the East coast of England between the mountains and the sea. The air smells of mountain goats or fish, depending on which way the wind's blowing that day.

The power to make blackberries appear just by thinking about it.

Prince, Bob Dylan and everything in between except for the rubbish bits, i.e. Robbie Williams.

Lots.

Yes, and I especially like the little party hats you get in the crackers.

Sir Elizabeth Bacon.

Quite similar to being a kid but a bit higher up.

Reading the news on Japanese TV. I can't read or speak Japanese so it was a difficult four years.

Yes. Me good at English. Me like English good lots.

Because they love you.

I don't have any small children of my own but I do have lots of small cousins. One of them is called Ben, actually he's not that small but he's got long hair like a girl. I sometimes call him "the beautiful lady" and then he calls me "caveman" because I'm quite hairy myself. I don't have any whopper dogs like big old Jakey either. Actually, just like Friday O'Leary, I'm secretly a bit scared of whopper dogs.

I honestly don't know but it's lucky he has them or he'd just lie around a lot doing nothing.

I just wanted to come up with the nastiest, smelliest, stupidest villain I could think of. Bingo! Up popped Mr Gum. And I put him in old-fashioned tramps' clothing because that makes me laugh, for some reason.

I wanted to write a story to make my cousins laugh, yes even my cousin Ben, or "the beautiful lady", as I call him.